It’s been a while since I’ve opened my Bible.
Last year, after my trip to Honduras, I couldn’t stop talking about the work Jesus was doing in tiny parts of the world that none of us give a second thought to on a daily basis. There were too many “coincidences” while I was there. Too many things that just didn’t have an explanation and felt as though God was orchestrating. I’ve been blessed to recognize when God is near many times in my life, but never this way. I wanted to take that home to Ohio with me and share it with others. Licking County needed to know the good news that God is moving. He’s everywhere. All you have to do is open your eyes and your heart to Him.
A month later, at the bottom of the Empire State Building, I got the news that I had breast cancer and time stopped. I didn’t know how to put one foot in front of the other. I didn’t know what tomorrow would bring. I didn’t know if there would be a tomorrow. I followed the orders of doctor’s I knew were wrong for me for 6-months. I was angry and afraid. I was bitter and desperately sad.
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On June 17th, 2023, I was leaving my favorite coffee shop and ran into a man that I knew was a pastor. He has a reputation around town for being a sidewalk prophet and someone who gets knee-to-knee with real people. He loves like Jesus in a way most are not equipped to do. As I was leaving, Pastor Brad commented on how I looked like I had just come from the gym. I laughed and confirmed it and then proceeded to acknowledge that I knew who he was. We talked a bit about launching my blog and how it was something my heart called me to do. It was part of the mission work I was doing at the Y in the classes I teach.
Brad asked to pray with me, and in his prayer he prophesied that God would use this platform and this passion of mine to eventually allow me to leave corporate America and do His work on a full-time basis. I smiled, gave him a hug and walked away.
Later that day, I felt called to send Brad a message through Facebook. In it, I told him about the breast cancer. I wrote, “I’m a single mom. I feel like I’m finally doing what I am called to do, and this just feels like an unfair blow.”
Brad responded by saying, “I know it was a God appointment. If God is speaking about your future, then you are going to be in that future. No weapon, no cancer formed against you can prosper…Remember, if God is prophesying about your future, you will be there! Believe it.”
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Two months later, with the news of the cancer and the path in front of me, I didn’t remember those words. I let fear and anger guide me. I spent a good amount of time in denial, feeding my skepticism with all sorts of alternatives. I stopped going to church because it felt dark to me. Modern sanctuaries have been designed to look more like concert halls, which I’ll never understand. If God is light, why are his “houses” so dim? My daily devotional time waxed and waned. I wanted to be at Jesus’ feet, but I didn’t want to face the truth of what was happening. I didn’t want to be vulnerable.
Throughout this journey, there are so many tiny moments that God reminded me that He was there when I was ready to talk. I would tell friends that He felt so close, when at the same time, I was spending time trying to hide. I have a dear friend who calls me a “cat.” She says I’m loyal and fierce and loving, but it has to be on my terms. When the chips are down, I’m an inward processor and saying hard things out loud makes them feel real. I don’t like hard things.
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I had my reconstructive surgery this past Monday and the things that have happened leading up to it and after it—point to Pastor Brad’s prophesy.
I’m here. I saw the sun rise today and I will see it set this evening. And while my blog hasn’t replaced my corporate job, there is something on the horizon that very well could. It’s bigger and better than anything I could have prayed for on my own and God’s love for people is at the very heart of it.
I opened up my Bible this morning for the first time in months and in it was a postcard from The Empire State Building. I have no recollection of placing it there. But God does.
You see, he knew I’d come to my knees in gratitude on my back porch today. He’s known all along. He knew I needed to be reminded that while the devastating news in August tried to throw me off course, he didn’t leave me stranded. He was there all along. And while I may not know what the future holds, I do believe it’s there for me.
“Trust in the Lord with all of your heart and do not lean on your own understanding.”
Proverbs 1:33